Poker Hand Nicknames and some jokes

When you play a home poker game or when you are just talking shit at the tables do you ever bust out names of poker hands. If you are running out of new ones to talk about I have put together a list that you can use the next time you are at the tables. Here’s the list of poker hand nicknames:

Aces (A,A): Rockets, Bullets, Rat’s Eyes, Snake Eyes, American Airlines, Eyes of Texas
Kings (K,K): Cowboys, King Kong, Jane Goodall, Gorillas
Queens (Q,Q): Canadian Rockets, Siegfried and Roy
Jacks (J,J): Johnnies, Fish Hooks, Good Times
10s (10,10): Dimes
9s (9,9) : Gretzky, German Virgin
8s (8,8): Snowmen, Oldsmobile 88, Dog Balls, Piano Keys
7s (7,7): Sunset Strip, Hockey Sticks
6s (6,6): Route 66
5s (5,5): Presto, Sammy Hagar
4s (4,4): Sailboats, Magnum, Canadian Presto
4s,4c : The Darth Vader – Dark side of the Fours.
3s (3,3): Crabs
2s (2,2): Ducks
K-9 : Pedigree, Canine, Dog, Fido
Q-J : Maverick
Q-7 : Computer Hand
J-4 : Flat Tire (that’s what a jack is for)
J-5 : Jackson Five, Motown
K-J : Lebron James, King James, Kojak
A-2 or A-Q : Little Slick
A-Q: Walking Back to Houston, Big Chick
KQ Suited: Marriage
KQ Offsuit: Mixed Marriage
K-3: King Crab
3-A: Baskin Robbins, 31 flavours!
A-2 : Acey-deucey
A-J : Ajax
A-2-3-4-5: Bicycle; Wheel
10-5 : Stedman’s – named after an old five and dime store. This hand goes by different names depending on where you live in North America. In some areas this is known as Barbara Hutton, the dime store heiress; Woolworth’s
Q-9 : Quinine
Q963: The Clock Hand
A-K : Big Slick, Santa Barbara
Q-3 : San Fransico Waiter
JK Offsuit : Bachelor’s Hand
AA88 : Dead Man’s Hand
Club Flush : Golf Bag
2-2-2: Huey, Dewey and Louie
QQQQ : The Village People
J-6 : Railroad Hand
10-4 : Good Buddy, Broderick Crawford
9-2 : Montana Banana
3-9 : Jack Benny
7-2 : Beer Hand, The Hammer
6-9 : Dinner for Two
9-5 : Dolly Parton – from the movie 9 to 5
3-8 : Raquel Welch. Ahem
10-2: Doyle Brunson – Named after his back to back wins of the WSOP in ’75 and ’76 with this hand in the hole.
7-6: Union Oil
10-3 : Weinberg
6-2 : Ainsworth
5-7 : Heinz 57
2-3 : Little Pete
2-4 : Lumberjack’s Hand
4-5 : Jesse James – Named from gun that apparently shot the notorious outlaw

Moving on now from the poker talk! I have put together a list comparison between two things that men definitely treasure. It’s all jokes so have a read and enjoy.

It’s called Beer vs. Pussy

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
advantage: Tie

If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy

Too much head makes you mad at the
person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer,
your wife may get mad. If you come home
smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not
drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath,
you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath,
you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer
any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God. Beer can
make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy
you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer,
you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work,
you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy
at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,
it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your
old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Natural Bohemian, , Michelob.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Tie

Good beer: Molson Canadian, Moosehead, Coors Light,
Corona.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

~~



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